Are you spinning in circles?
Some days, no matter where I look, all I see is confusion… never a clear path ahead. Perhaps you can relate to that? Lately I’ve been in a place that I would describe as murky at best. It’s not entirely dark, nor is it light but gray and utterly difficult to navigate which leaves me feeling like I’m spinning in circles. Whether or not that describes your experience, I know I’m certainly not alone.
In the last three months life has dealt me a series of emotional blows, all of which were intense and unexpected. Just a week after my birthday our sweet little family dog was accidentally hit and killed just across the street from our house by some unknown person. Burying her in our backyard was absolutely gut wrenching but at least I can go and visit her and speak to her often.
One month after that loss, my daughter’s father passed away suddenly in his sleep from congestive heart failure. I knew nothing about his condition which he had kept secret. Our relationship was extraordinarily difficult and contentious and he had refused to speak to me so when I got the call in the middle of the night, you can imagine my heart ache at having to wake my young daughter and tell her the horrific news that morning.
Then last Sunday, we came home to find our beautiful and sweet kitty cat bleeding from the mouth and in great pain. We rushed her to the animal emergency room and stayed many hours there waiting to hear the diagnosis.
Somehow she had sustained multiple fractures to her jaw and face and the following day, in order to avoid putting her through any more suffering, we had her euthanized as she laid in my lap. I will never know what happened to her and I’m left with only questions and feelings of remorse, guilt, and profound sadness.
Moonlight was unstoppable… hovering by the front door and dashing out at the earliest opportunity to run uncontained in our garden. She was fully alive and happy outdoors and my efforts to contain her in the safety of our house were fruitless. At night, she would return to sleep with us and snuggle at our feet. She lived on her own terms and like all living things, she wanted to be fully free.
Sometimes life just keeps coming at you, keeps coming at me… relentlessly and seemingly without reprieve or compassion. Whether or not you’ve endured similar circumstances that drain your spirit and make you question life in general, I know you can still understand what it means to be going in circles with no true sense of what “forward” looks like.
So how can you possibly find direction or take the next step in your life when you are filled with questions and doubts? How can you see any kind of safe path on which to travel when there is nothing to illuminate what lies before you?
What I’ve discovered about how to proceed from these kinds of challenges is what I want to share with you today because my primary focus is to empower and touch others’ live through the healing ways of words.
I have learned that the only real way to move forward, is to stop looking for light in the distance. Stop looking for anything external that might be calling you in a particular direction. Instead, embrace the darkness within by being present to it.
That’s not to say that you need to dwell in sadness, depression and loss. It is to say that it’s important to be still, withdraw from activities that you would normally say “yes” to in order to give yourself the time and attention required to hear what your intuitive self already knows about what to do next.
Your intuition is a muscle and requires frequent use in order to get stronger. We’ve all got intuition or a sixth sense whether or not you doubt it. For me, I find it nearly impossible to meditate so instead, I write and write and write until the answers and clarity present themselves on the page. That’s the most reliable method I’ve found to understanding how I can make the very best choices that resonate with who I am, what I value, and how I can best contribute to those within my sphere of influence.
You may discover that writing is not the tool for you. For you it may be dancing, singing, crying, talking with friends or any other activity related to self-expression. Fearless self-expression is one of the driving forces behind Express Success. Just imagine, for a moment, how you would feel about yourself and your life if you truly could express every facet of who YOU ARE without fear?
The point is that as I now understand that self-care and self-expression are essentially one and the same. As I travel further on the path of self-care, I want to take that journey with you for it is a journey with countless undiscovered blessings. What I’ve come to know with utmost certainty is that, regardless of our perceived flaws and mistakes, each of is equally deserving of all that life has to offer.
So… take a chance on yourself and go within, even if you feel weird about it. Even if you’re a little scared about what you might discover there. Even if your circumstances are such that you barely know which way is up. Finding true North is not beyond you. Seek for the answers that already exist inside of you and you shall find not only everything you need, but all the goodness that desires to exist in you, as you and through YOU.